everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
