This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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