Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
