i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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