What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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