Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Drunk is a universal language darling
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
