i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
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