Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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