Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
