brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
