It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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