took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
