What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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