If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
