I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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