Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
