Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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