Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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