It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
