No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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