Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
