my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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