Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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