i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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