i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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