Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
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