ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
