Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
