Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
one might say we're banned from that church
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
