is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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