nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
