just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
