i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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