your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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