Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
