Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
there's paper in my vomit.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
