i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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