He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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