You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
