Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
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