I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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