I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
