Sponge bath it is.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
