Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
