I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My penis needs a shock collar
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
