And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Im part way to drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
