He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
