I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
