When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
