My hair reeks of homosexuality.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
