I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
